Good Thoughts

Tonight I went to our ward Enrichment Activity.
It was on marriage and they had a speaker that teaches a marriage class at BYU.
Here are some of the things I wrote down.

~Nurturing and strengthening your marriage~

"While marriage is difficult and discordant,
and frustrated marriages are common,
real lasting happiness is possible, and marriage can be more of an exultant ecstasy than the human mind can conceive."
~President Kimball

~Dating may be more important during marriage than it is before marriage.

~Forget about the person you thought you married and get to work on loving the person you are actually married to.~
do not bring up the way things were before you were married. things have changed, your situation has changed. bringing up such things can be damaging and hurtful.

~If you WAIT for time, (dating) it may never happen.
What are we giving up by not going on dates?

4 ways to damage marriage~
1. contempt- harboring feelings of hate towards your spouse. Dwelling on things that you dislike about your spouse.
2. criticism- although you may think that you can 'nicely' criticise, you can't. Even constructive criticism can be damaging. This is not saying that you can't ever tell your spouse your frustrations, but never go into it thinking that you can change them.
examples: 'I hate it when you...'
'You never...'
'I feel like you don't...'
better ways of saying these things are:
'I love it when you...'
'It makes me feel so appreciated when you...'
'I can always count on you to...'
3. defensiveness- when your spouse tells you something that you have done to hurt their feelings or something that you forgot to do, never brush it off. Their feelings are real and you should listen to them and make them feel like their feelings are important to you.
4. stonewalling- If you and your spouse have gotten into an argument you should never shut your self off to them. Never walk away. This can give them the impression that it is not important enough to you to stay and work things out.

~Pres. Harold B. Lee's top priorities in life~
1. personal, spiritual and physical health
a. if you don't work on your self, you will have nothing to give.
b. intimacy
c. reading scriptures
d. exercising so that you feel good about yourself and have the energy that you need to full fill all of you responsibilities
2. family responsibilities
3. church responsibilities
4. career and community responsibilities

~One of the quorum of the 12 said that one thing he does to keep harmony in his home is that he gives one night a week to his wife. He lets her do whatever she wants to do. He takes care of dinner and the kids and lets her rejuvenate. He went on to say that when a wife is doing something that she loves to do out side of the home, her days inside the home will be more cheerful and happy.

~One simple thing you can do for your spouse is to leave little notes on the bathroom mirror so that they will see them in the morning and they will know that you love them and have been thinking about them.

~Have a game plan between husband and wife.
(having one will increase the likelihood that you will actually accomplish the things that you want to do.)
Ideas:
~money
~spiritual
~fun
~personal
~family
~as a couple
Remember: ask the lord for help

~Change your negative thoughts about your spouse.
He read a true story from the ensign about a women that had written in telling how her marriage was failing and that she thought it was all her husbands fault. She told about how she was praying to the lord and had the thought, 'fix your self.' She tells about how she tries doing this and prays to the lord some more and eventually decides that she needs to start listing the things that she does love about her husband. After about 5 months she realizes that her whole attitude towards her husband had changed and that his attitude towards her had changed also.
~If you want to read this story it is in the Jan. 2005 issue. The part that he read was very good. I am definitely going to look it up and read the whole thing... you should to!~

Also go read Moroni 7.
Just do it...

~Pray for charity towards your spouse.

~Try and see your spouse from your Father in Heavens perspective.

~In the absence of nagging, your spouse may decide on their own to fix their faults and shortcomings.

*Remember*
'Marriage is between two imperfect people'

1 Nephi 3:7
...I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded,
for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men,
save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.

~All things are possible through the lord~